Recovery – You
Think Only “Those People” Need It?
So you
think it’s only those poor unfortunates who have an “official” diagnosis
of mental illness are the ones who need to be concerned about their mental well
being? During these times when
phrases like “24/7” and “Multi-tasking” are a common part of our
everyday language, when we can’t seem to go anyplace without seeing people
glued to their cell phone and/or computer, when our relationships are now best
established on MySpace rather than in person - do you think we live in a society
that encourages mental wellness – let alone recovery?
We want to believe the concepts of recovery are for addicts only, yet I
think as a society we could all benefit from a good dose of recovery.
A few
years ago, when I first heard people talking about people with mental illness
recovering – my first thought was they’re nuts!
I too was of the belief that recovery was for people with addictions and
mental illness was something that you really couldn’t recover from – not
really. What I came to realize was
that my definition of recovery was narrow and I needed to look at things from a
different perspective. As an agency
that provides services to adults with a diagnosis of serious mental illness, I
saw people go through our program – make a better life for themselves, and go
on to live with a quality of life that they would not have had otherwise.
I didn’t associate that with the term recovery – yet that is really
what recovery is about. Recovery is
not “cure” – it’s not black and white.
It’s a process, a journey that is as unique as each person seeking it.
Sometimes the movement is forward down a path, at times there are detours
and a need to go back and retrace steps, but it does take work, commitment,
patience, and support. As an agency,
we had an awareness of these things but didn’t have a real clear understanding
until we really embraced the concept and made the decision to move forward and
make Transition House, Inc., one of the best examples of transformation to the
Recovery Model in
Since
accepting that challenge, we’ve changed – grown significantly as an agency.
The wonderful part – the growth occurred with staff and clients working
together. In the past, even though
we were always very focused on our clients, their needs and their well-being –
the way we did things was somewhat controlling.
It wasn’t intentional, but we “knew what was best” or so we thought
– and our job was to teach that to our clients with rules and directives.
Policies were established by staff and Board members (often professors,
attorneys, administrators). They
were good policies, but they required trying to make people better – make
people learn and do things that we thought were in their best interest.
We listened to clients, but there was a bottom line that forced us into
the parent role. When we shifted to
the Recovery Model, we thought the shift would be simple – and in many ways it
was – but really embracing this concept meant giving up some of the controls
and letting people take the path they needed to find their own version of mental
wellness – recovery.
The longer
we do this, the more I realize we have more to learn.
I think as an agency we’ve made tremendous progress.
We worked with staff and clients to develop modified policies – and
we’ve revised them as we learned whether they were useful from the clients.
We got rid of a lot of the “rules” – and what this means is
sometimes we have to watch people do things that are what we would call
mistakes. It’s hard, but it is
like parenting – the healthy way. I
will say there are times we want to scream – “Just let me tell you what to
do and you’ll be fine” – but we have to resist.
The issue has to do with life choices.
We each have the right to make them – even if we have a diagnosis of
mental illness.
So back to
what this has to do with YOU! We
live in a society that wants to control us.
The expectations that we are establishing are becoming so mentally
unhealthy that it’s now normal to see advertisements for anti-depressants and
anti-anxiety medications on TV. Sleep
problems – take this pill; social anxiety – take this other pill – which
could cause you to have sleep problems, but there is another pill for that.
We need Red Bull and Espresso to have enough energy to make it through
the day with all the responsibilities we have.
Then we need alcohol to have fun, slow down, talk with people, etc.
And of course our “recreational drugs,” which don’t really count
cause we used them in college and don’t do it very often.
We outsource more and more of our lives – from child rearing to
shopping. There’s not enough hours
in the day – especially when our “careers” are the most important thing in
our lives. I can’t tell you the
number of times I’ve been told – ‘you
just don’t understand – I Have to Do This.’
That statement is often followed by the person doing whatever needs to be
done – pushing themselves beyond healthy limits – and then getting sick.
Of course the getting sick had nothing to do with stress, lack of
self-care – Yeah Right!!! We are
creating a society that has set the bar so high for the ever elusive sense of
“success” that people spend so much time chasing something that even if they
ever got it – they’d probably work right past it and not notice that they
had arrived! It’s really crazy.
The
reality that I’ve seen over the twenty plus years of working at Transition
House, Inc., is that mental illness can happen to any one of us – and without
proper care, you could be the person calling our agency seeking support.
Think it couldn’t happen to you? I
hope not, but here’s a little something from the NIMH (National Institute of
Mental Health):
Mental Disorders in
Mental disorders are common in the
References
1. Kessler RC, Chiu WT, Demler O, Walters EE. Prevalence,
severity, and comorbidity of twelve-month DSM-IV disorders in the National
Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry, 2005
Jun;62(6):617-27.
2.
3. The World Health Organization. The World Health Report
2004: Changing History, Annex Table 3: Burden of disease in DALYs by cause, sex,
and mortality stratum in WHO regions, estimates for 2002.
So what
can we do to help us be part of the 73.8 percent, or if we find ourselves part
of the 26.2 percent or 6 percent, how can we start our recovery process?
As someone who has been working on this for fifty years now, here are
just a few simple things I have learned. By
no means are these the end all be all answers, but I found these things to be
useful in my life.
·
Accept
that we are all human with human limitations.
If we don’t care for ourselves, our bodies and minds will eventually
force us to stop and pay attention. Many
of our common ailments can be traced back to stress, improper diet, lack of
exercise, insufficient rest, etc. If
ignored, people see an increase in medical leave, increase in addictions
(including drugs, alcohol, food, etc.), relationship problems, anger issues,
sleep disorders, depression, etc., etc., etc.
·
Accept
that our “careers” are not who we are.
Can you go into a social setting and not define yourself without talking
about your career first? Yes, work
is an important part of our life, but it is not our entire reason for being.
Become a Human Being – not a
Human Doing!
·
Recognize
the value in Relationships.
How many times have you heard it said that when you’re lying on your
death bed, you’re not thinking about that task at work that is unfinished –
and if you are, boy have you missed out on life?
As human beings, we need healthy loving relationships, people in our
lives who we actually spend time with rather than always putting work/career
first. We can all be replaced at our
jobs, but do we want to be replaced in the lives of people we love and who love
us? Yes, it happens – look at our
divorce rate, but is that what we really want?
·
Play
and have Fun.
I remember when I first starting working, my group of friends had a
saying – ‘work hard, play even harder.’
Easier said than done. That
doesn’t mean become a slacker at work, but work efficiently (something that
doesn’t happen when we’re overworked), then go home and enjoy the important
parts of life.
·
Take
time to be still and be present with those most important to you. It really is
about priorities. How often do we
work hard only to have things that we don’t have the time to enjoy.
·
Accept
that “My Best” is Good Enough. One
of the most important gifts that I was given by my mother was her repeated
statement – ‘just do your best.’ She
made it clear that my best really was and is good enough.
It doesn’t mean stop growing and striving for growth, but to live with
that sense that our best isn’t good enough – that striving for perfection -
leads to all kinds of problems. I
remember thinking – well I’ll never be really good at anything, but I enjoy
lots of things without too much concern about being good at it.
·
Be
more concerned about what you think and feel, rather than worrying about what
others are thinking or saying. When
we live for others, it’s almost a guarantee that we’ll be a disappointment
to ourselves and others as well. People
pleasing really doesn’t work in the long run.
·
Be
Grateful and Say Gratitudes Daily. A
client suggested that we add gratitude time to our morning group.
This simple addition to our daily morning group has been significant.
Even at our lowest point, we still have at least one thing to be grateful
for – and the clients of our agency prove this to me daily.